To open doors for women or not

When pondering how to be a gentleman a fellow might wonder about whether to open doors for a female companion he does not know well yet.

Many men probably face this dilemma when first dating a new woman actually.  Should he or should he not be opening doors?

Sure, it seems simple, and not much to worry about.  Most men, not really thinking about the question hard, would advise another man to play it safe and open the doors.  It is not that simple though.

If the man does open doors a woman might actually take it as too old fashioned, or sexist.  Though many men will say this should not be something big enough to turn a woman off and that if it does bother her she should speak up.  However, minor things often can kill a connection.  Some women may simply let a man know right off the bat she does not like doors being opened for her.  Some may just expect a man to figure it out on his own.

So what do you do if you want to be a gentleman while also be progressive?  The first time you get a chance, open the car door, restaurant door, etc for your lady friend, smile, and make a simple comment such as, "My grandmother taught me to always open doors for women," or even be honest and direct with something like, "I am never absolutely sure when to open doors for a lady."  

These leave her the opportunity to respond as if you asked question, even though you did not directly do so.  Hopefully she will politely let you know her feelings on the matter with a smile.  It might actually lead into a fun conversation.  See how it goes for yourself.

If any ladies read this please share your own thoughts on the matter.

Valentine's Day gift ideal for men

Okay ladies, most men do not want flowers, and while many of us do enjoy candy, we do not need a heart shaped box of chocolates, so here are some valentine ideas for him.

• Dinner - cook dinner for him or take him out.  Reverse the roles a bit.  If he already has plans to treat you to dinner on Valentine's Day, plan yours for another night.
• Birthday style gift - treat it like it is his birthday and get him a CD, DVD or something else he would like
• Massage - simple gift for simple creatures.
• Sex - see above
• Card - men like receiving cards too, but you can give them something silly and they will like it just as much or more than something sappy and romantic.

Valentine's Day gift ideal for women

For you men who have been under a rock, or who just admit to having little common sense, here is a list of Valentine ideas for her.

• Flowers - Duh! Sure they from a practicality standpoint they cost a lot and do not last long, but most women love them.  It is good if well ahead of time you find out which kinds she likes and does not like, especially if she is allergic to any of them.
• Candy - This is another easy one.  They come in all sizes and shapes of decorative boxes. 
• Stuffed Animals - You can find plenty of these that have cute hearts or sayings like, "I love you" on them.
• A nice dinner  -  Yes, this is more of a date idea, but to many women this in itself is a gift, especially those who are married and have not been treated to a night out in a long time or who do all the cooking.
• A card - This should go with all of the above ideas.  It is the very one thing you should never forget, and guys, try to get something romantic, not cheesy.

Dating site etiquette for women

Okay women of the dating site world let me drop some knowledge on you.  Sit back, and buckle up.

If you are shallow, admit it first to yourself, then to the world.  Guys are not afraid to say what they want physically in a woman.  Women should not be afraid to do the same. 

Say it with me “looks matter.”  If you are going to write up a profile all about how you want some intelligent, sensitive guy with a great sense of humor, then not mention what you want looks wise, you are going to have many guys angry that they spent time sending you witty messages just to be ignored.  Girls always groan and complain as if so jaded, but they are blind to the fact that they are hypocrites.  Chances are, most of the girls saying they want all these wonderful internal qualities in a man, probably end up with a man like The Situation from “Jersey Shore”.  Men notice such things when out in public.  Not just the losers either.  The hot guys, though they get girls, notice that the girls are as shallow a sex as them.  Thus they feel no remorse when they play a girl.

On a side note, if you are going to say you are just looking for friends, then discard the “looks matter” I mentioned above and either stop judging “friends” by their looks or admit to yourself you are not looking for friends, but rather looking for a relationship or booty call.

You want a man who will accept your kids.  We get that.  You are making a profile about yourself though.  Guys are looking to date you.  They are not looking to date your children.  They want to get to know more about you first to know if they want to date you.  They are not going to say, “hey, this woman really loves her kids, and she has given so much information on them I think I want to meet them.”  No.  Seriously, just briefly mention your crumb snatchers if you want, but no more than a line. Also, for Pete’s sake, do not put one picture of yourself on your profile then three of your kids.  Again, you are advertising yourself, not your kids.

Give your body type and be honest about it.  This rule applies to men also actually.  If a site makes it an option to give your body type, do not leave it blank.  If a site makes it a mandatory field, do not lie.  Seems simple enough so far right? 

Now, let us go deeper.  By being honest I also mean include at least one body or semi body shot photo.  No, not nude, perverts…get your mind out of the gutter.  I just mean a picture to show off your body, or to the least your entire head.  If you have a picture cropped so far in it just shows your face, most people are going to assume you are fat anyways, even if you are not.  Also, trying to be tricky by taking a picture with the camera pointing down on you from above? Stop it.  Either the person viewing your pictures will be wise to this, or if they meet you will be disappointed in your dishonesty.  Then of course, you will be upset, and portray them as the villain in your head for their shallowness.  Yet you are the same, go back to the first paragraph!!!

I know these dating site profiles can be hard to fill out.  Your mind goes blank, you are just struggling to think of things to say, but relax, it is not a test.  Take your time.  Obviously if you are on a dating site, you have plenty of it.  Make sure you write interests and hobbies that you not only want a man to know about, but that you want to talk about.  Duh!  You are not only writing tidbits about yourself, you are giving the guys possibly interested in you some conversation starters.  

If you want a man to be interesting, do not get mad that he brought up a conversation about hockey, after you bragged on your page about what a big hockey fan you are.  If you say you are big into your church, do not shrug off someone who asks you about church.  Please note, I am not saying tell a complete stranger right off the bat what church you attend.  You do have to be careful still.  You get my point, or I at least hope you do.

 I hope this has been helpful to you.  Please feel free to discuss.

When to say, "I love you"

There is no perfect time to say, "I love you."  There are near perfect times often enough though.

For starters, do not say it too soon.  Saying it on a first date, ala Ted, on his first date with Robin on season one of How I Met Your Mother (for those of you not in the know, watch it here).

You do not love someone that early on, and even if you think you do, you do not tell the other person, unless you want to totally scare them away.

On the other hand, do not be one of those stubborn people who wait for the person you are with to say, "I love you" first.  Why? Because they might be just as stubborn as you.  This is love, not war.  We are not going for a stalemate.  

Simply, let your relationship with someone grow over time, at least a few months or more, and if you continually feel just as strong towards that person as from the start, or stronger, and you desire to share this warm feeling with them, then you can tell him/her.  

At this point, if you have been dating exclusively for that time period, it should be safe.  While this does not guarantee they will say it in return, or that things may not be slightly awkward for a bit, it should not ruin things. 

If your partner does not feel like it is "love" yet, or is scared to say it, they will just kindly let you know.  Do not take this as a sign that it is over, or that you should give up.  Just see that you need to forget saying those words again until they are comfortable saying them to you first.

Knowing when to end things: Do what is right for both of you

Ending a relationship is not always easy.

When you still care about the person, and even love them, but are not in love with them, it can be very difficult in fact.

When you know for certain though that you do not care about your partner as a lover anymore, then you need to be upfront and honest with him/her.

Do  not let guilt guide you.  You may be afraid of hurting his/her feelings by breaking up with them. The longer you try to stick things out though, the more it will hurt when you do finally end things.

You must do what makes you happy ultimately in such a case, and if you are not happy in a relationship, do not stay in it just to make the other person happy.  It is not fair to you or them.

Effective non verbal communications

Conversation is key when you are talking to someone you are interested in for the first time.  The dialog needs support though.  Below are some non verbal tips to help you out no matter what you talk about.

1. Eye Contact - you must make solid eye contact.  This does not mean you have to burn a hole through the person you are speaking with your eyes.  Just make sure you are looking them in the face most of the time.

 You can occasionally glance away. In fact this is good so you do not seem too intense.  Remember, this is not a starring contest either, so blink like you would normally.

2.  Smile - Smiling is a sign of welcomeness.  When you do not smile it can indicate disinterest, sadness, anger, etc.  With that being said, if the person you are approaching is not smiling do not be scared.

You are trying to change whatever they are feeling to happiness/welcomeness and get them to smile. Since you are approaching them, you must be smiling first.

3.  Posture - Picture a Drill Sergeant  saying, "head up, back straight, shoulders back."  That is a strong posture. Slouching, hunching, head looking down, shoulders sagging are weak posture.

Weak posture shows lack of self confidence.  Lack of self confidence hurts your chances of successful interaction.

4.  Speech - If you are excited, one way to not tip it off is to not hurry your speech.  Always speak slowly enough to be clearly understood, but not so slow that the person you are talking to thinks you are talking down to them.

Speak loudly enough to clearly be heard, but not so loud it is obnoxious.  Think of how you would like to be spoken to.

5.  Poise - Poise is like posture, only in less a physical sense, and more a mental sense.  Always remember, this is nothing serious.  This is not life or death.  This is not a job interview.  This does not affect your survival.

Be relaxed.  Treat it like it is a game.  Enjoy the experience.  Essentially this is the overall package of everything put together.

Follow the links on the right side for some more helpful information.  Also leave feedback and other suggestions to share with others.